A Nameless Blog

Acceptable Holidays, everybody.  I’d wish you all Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas or whatever, but most people I know aren’t too keen on holiday spirit.  A better wish, then, is for an acceptable winter season that is free from hassle, annoyance, and bottled rage.  By my guess, this will probably be my last post of the year.  I’ll be out of town until New Year’s, upon which date it’ll be Year-in-Review time again.  (I’m excited too.)  To get in the spirit, then, allow me to present a holiday blogpodge.  Consider it the nutmeg on your nog.

I’ve gotten a steady dose of Bill Simmons in the past few weeks.  I bought his The Book of Basketball and am only 400 pages in.  His points are valid and more well-researched than I could ever muster, but I have one complaint: he should be nicer to Steve Nash.  Corrolary: he’s too nice to Shaq.  Shaq ruins basketball, while Steve Nash saved it.  Simmons ragged on George Mikan for being slow and boring — pre-shot-clock Minneapolis would run its offense around the lumbering lug because he had long arms and a sharp left elbow.  Well, Shaq has a big ass and takes advantage of unreliable referees.  Yeah, I know, results are results and titles are titles, but I have never enjoyed a Shaq-led team, including the Suns team I reluctantly cheered for last year.  So Simmons, could you spare some of the vitriol you save for Kareem and give a little more to Shaq?  Also, you’re wrong about Nash’s hair — it’s faaaantastic.

Have you ever noticed that the constellation Orion is really well-hung?  Don’t tell me that’s just his sword.

I’ve seen a lot of best-of-the-decade lists lately.  (I wonder why.)  I won’t be as ambitious as most websites, but I will be sprinkling a few top-fives in this post.  Starting… now.

TOP FIVE IRRITATING NEWS STORIES OF THE DECADE
Balloon boy
Paris Hilton’s sex tape
Every well-known kidnapping of a young girl
Every celebrity rehab story
Duke lacrosse non-rape

What’s your favorite holiday treat?  Mine is my mom’s standing rib roast with horseradish sauce and Yorkshire pudding.  I will have it in less than 24 hours and I’m drooling already.  Second on my list is probably the classic peppermint candy cane.

TOP FIVE STAND-UPS OF THE DECADE
Louis CK
Paul F. Tompkins
Anthony Jeselnik
Mitch Hedberg
Patton Oswalt

Not being a huge fan of Christmas, I’m not a huge fan of carols either.  It should come as no surprise, then, that my favorite Christmas song is Mr. Garrison’s “Merry Fucking Christmas” from the South Park Xmas album.  I also have a soft spot for “Nuttin’ for Christmas”, if only for the dated feel — “bought some gum with a penny slug” is a lyric that shall never age for any reason.

Bowl season is underway.  As I write this, the Hawaii Bowl between Nevada and SMU is about to start.  Exciting.  As pointless as the games are, it is nice to know that from now until after New Year’s, we’ll have college football to watch.  And Christmas gives us five NBA games.  Avoid your family all season, America!

TOP FIVE LIVE ACTS I SAW THIS DECADE
Tim and Eric
Rilo Kiley
Stars
The Flaming Lips
George Carlin

Do you know anyone who makes New Year’s resolutions?  I never have, and I suspect that it’s just a fictional construct used for commercials and sitcom plots.  That said, I resolve to watch more commercials and sitcoms.

Who’s a good boy?  Who’s a good boy?  You are!  Merry Christmas, loyal readers.

-Darrell

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 24th, 2009 at 6:33 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.